How to fail at life.

In an effort to a) motivate myself and b) make myself feel like a complete failure, I've compiled a list of movies and books that I need to see/read. Please make suggestions :) I trust you all.

These are in no particular order-
Movies I need to see:
The Fountain
Almost Famous
Schindler's List
Big Fish
Science of Sleep
A Beautiful Mind
Capote
Into the Wild
Citizen Kane
No Country for Old Men
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
There Will Be Blood
The Departed
Crash
Saving Private Ryan
The Godfather
Dead Poets Society
Terms of Endearment
Gandhi
Annie Hall
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
The Big Lebowski
Magnolia
Being John Malkovich

Books I need to read:
Everything is Illuminated
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Breakfast of Champions
Catcher in the Rye
Of Mice and Men
1984
Brave New World
High Fidelity
Things They Carried
My Antonia
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Irresistible Revolution
Franny and Zooey
Something by Vonnegut
Till We Have Faces
On the Road

So that's basically just off the top of my head, so I'm sure there's a lot I've forgotten.

I'm not afraid of anything, even time.

So, I failed completely the first two days of Lent. Didn't even buy my journal until yesterday. Wrote in it tonight. But actually, I think it's going to be really good for me. I haven't realized it until now, but I've been really negligent of my personal/devotional/spiritual/introspective life.

Also for your consideration: a few songs that I really like right now.

1. The Golden Floor - Snow Patrol
(so, Snow Patrol has gotten progressively cornier with each release, but this song is cool :] has a cool beat)
2. Closer - Kings of Leon
(I don't know, this one is just kinda bad-ass)
3. I Know - Dear & the Headlights
(their new album is great! They grew a lot, added more depth musically)
4. Thanksgiving - Deb Talan
(I think this is thanks to Steve's mix, but I find myself singing this song aaaall the time)
5. Jon Foreman
(been playing all his music, but specifically I like "March", "Instead of a Show" and "Southbound Train")
6. Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
(Thanks Chris for posting this video one day, the song is wonderful)
7. Devil Dressed in Blue - Right Away, Great Captain!
(This is Manchester Orchestra's lead singer Andy Hull's solo project. I'm a fan :)

That's my current list of favs, the tracks I play most often nowadays.

Tomorrow it is Saturday and I will laugh in the face of SEU's dress code.

9 dollar Free Pancakes.

First blog in over a week! yay!

All I really have to say is that I've decided what I'm doing for Lent this year. I was thinking about giving up sweets (oh my god, how hard would THAT be? I'm an awful snacker) BUT, as I'm going to Israel, I figured there would be 1) instances where I'd like to try local things that are sweets 2) not too many instances where I'd have access to a lot of snackfood.

So! I've decided that instead of giving up something, I'd take action. For Lent I'm going to be committed to journaling. Like, in a journal. I've always been a terrible journal-er, I can never keep it up. But I think it's a good practice, it'll be good for me and it'll give me some time every day to have some introspection and whatnot. And it'll be great when I'm in Israel too :)

By the way, that's like, two weeks away. Holy crap. I'm pretty excited about the idea of travelling so far. But it's starting to make me sad that I'll be gone from here for five weeks... I'll miss you. And as I'm reading through the textbooks, I'm getting discouraged a little. I'm a weeeee bit sickened by the overwhelming anti-palestinian political leanings of some of the students at SEU. And I have to write a book report on this book "the Promised Land: prophecy and the future of Israel blah blah blah" that was really rough. I'm all about history and ancient things and different cultures (particularly middle eastern cultures) but I'm not down for any "Jerusalem is heaven, let's kick out all the infidels" crap.

Speaking of book reports: I have seven books to read before I go. And sneakers to buy. And bags to pack. I should clean my room before I leave. And I hope I get to watch Lost.

I want to go to there.

What I learned this week...

Things I learned this week.

1. I should never accompany people for any kind of piercing/medical procedure. I'm not very good at being supportive. I mostly just pass out.

2. If he's interested, he'll make it happen (one of the many lessons learned from 'He's just not that into you')

3. It sucks being sick, and it's sad that we always take it for granted when we're not sick. Take a deep breath through your nose and be glad.

4. Women (in general) over-analyze. I'm not a very analytical person, but it's true of me too.

5. We usually notice things we don't like about ourselves that other people (the general public) never notice. Also, the things we're insecure about we notice in other people (bad teeth, bad posture, acne etc.) We're all just self-centered, basically.

This is third list-blog that I've done lately. Apparently I'm incapable of writing in paragraphs nowadays. I don't have much to say. The well's run dry, my friends.

My boy.

I spent an hour yesterday in the car with this adorable little boy. This is Ashton, Jade and Paige's little brother. He's about 20 months old, is the smartest baby ever, and loves me :) I was there the night he was born (running around the hospital, trying to find the right room) and have been able to watch him grow up, learn how to walk, learn new words (his vocab is huge!) and he definitely said my name before my little sisters ever did. And he likes trucks.

Anyway, this kid is my little brother, he's fantastic and I love hanging out with him and tickling his toes and hearing him say my name. There's nothing like being loved by a little kid. I know I won't ever need a man as long as Ashton loves me ;)

Why I get up in the morning.

Maybe I'm just turning into Amy in her absence, but here's a list :) A list of the reasons why I get up in the morning.

Things I Live For:
1. Spending time with people I love and that I am constantly assured, love me too.
2. Moments to myself (driving, walking, getting ready in the morning) when I can reflect and remember the things I need to remember.
3. Renewal: a good conversation with mom, a refreshing nap, reading something that inspires, realizing something about myself that I never knew.
4. Making things: a bracelet, a blanket, a card, a pan of brownies.
5. Living my life with the knowledge and awareness of a God who loves, whose essence is love, who is naught but love.

Basically, I think those five things are the most important to me. People, solitude, renewal, creation and God/love.

Some things that almost made the list:
*brownies
*mango smoothies
*Lost
*foreign accents

Oh, elope with me in private and we'll set something ablaze.

Right now I'm watching Ever After :) it was my favorite movie when I was little. I mean, really, it's fantastic. And I've found that I remember ever word.

Things to look forward to this week (I've got my life organized on my iCal now, thank you Mac):
-Having my lit critique done.
-the Finer Things
-Studying for Greek? :/
-Movies with the girls?
-Making valentines at Kara's house
-Spending my valentine's day feeding homeless guys at the Talbot House and staying the night with Jade on her birthday

Why this weekend was great (despite the fact that I'm nastysick):
-2 hours of Apples to Apples with good friends
-Chilling out with Danielle
-Cookie-topped brownies
-30 Rock
-old episodes of Lost with Lauri, the Lost-virgin
-Sleeping in the same room with Charlotte and Lauri
-Having nice dreams
-Steve's feel-better gifts
-Munchin' at the Macaroni Grill
-Wandering around Lake Mirror with Steve, Charlotte and Lauri

P.S. I can breathe through my nose now :)

Ol' Reliable.

I think I've realized that I'm not a very reliable person. Not when it comes to getting things done, anyway... examples: it's taken me three days to bring my submissions to school so I can switch with Mike (who read his on time). Also, I read the submissions last night, and I've had them for months. I never do my homework. I told Justin I'd come to starbucks and I didn't. I forgot I had to babysit my sisters and wouldn't have shown up if I hadn't called my mom. I'm late for most meetings I attend. I'm bad at calling people back or replying to emails. I'm usually late for work. I'm bad at returning clothes/books/movies that I borrow. I start projects and never finish them (or finish them right at the last minute).

The list goes on. So I'm sorry if I've ever let you down, it's really not a reflection on how I feel about you, it's just cause when it comes to these things, I'm less considerate than I should be.

Kudos, Publix.

So my options were 1) watch my sisters, including the baby, while mom went to the grocery store or 2) take the list and do the shopping myself. I opted for the shopping.

I realized that I hadn't been in Publix in a really long time. It was nice :) and I knew that I wouldn't be running into any Southeastern students. Because North Lakeland is like it's own city. There are people here that will never meet the people who live in South Lakeland. The atmosphere is pretty different. North Lakeland is home. While I did not run into classmates, I ran into a handful of people that I know: people from the church I used to attend, B&N coworkers and customers, my old piano teacher :) people from the community.

To add to this general feeling of happiness and good will that I got from grocery shopping, while I was walking through the aisles She & Him's "Why Don't You Let Me Stay Here?" was playing and while I was waiting in the line at the deli, there was an older black lady who looked exactly like Rose from Lost. And she was sweet :)

All in all it was a nice experience and I realized how much I missed hanging around the northside. I also realized that even though I'm in college and supposed to be going through that "I never wanna settle down, I'm scared of getting older" thing... it's not scary to me. I don't fear the days when I'll be grocery shopping for a family that belongs to me, seeing the same friendly faces in the grocery store every week. And I'm not really the house-keeping type (I'm barely the dorm-keeping type). It's not about housewifery. It's about the community.

Sunday Morning Reflections

1. I should be taking a shower, but I want to do this :)

2. I realized (though, I think Amy has said this before) that I like hearing people say my name. Or rather, hearing it said to me. It makes everything more special.

3. Frankly, I just want to be comfortable in life. Comfortable with myself and the people that I am closest to. I want to be challenged, but happy with what I'm doing, knowing that while I might have to work hard, I am capable of doing it. Knowing that while we'll have issues and disagreements, I'll never have to be embarrassed about burping in front of you or tripping all the time when I walk.

4. I'm pretty unashamedly pentecostal. I've gone through many phases: the crazy-dance-around-speak-in-tongues pentecostal, the I'm-ashamed-because-of-televangelists pentecostal, I'm-pentecostal-but-only-in-my-head pentecostal. But now I think I've reached a balance. Pentecostalism really is okay. At its heart it believes in equality, in justice and in peace. And where intellect fails, when I cannot think my way into God, its mysticism can deepen my understanding. I can be an intellectual and a Pentecostal at the same time.

5. I always have crazy epic dreams that should be action movies. I just had one this morning. I was leaping off of cliffs and running away from bad guys. And at one point I might've been Leonardo DiCaprio, even though I don't like him.

Thanks "25 Random Things" for making us think about ourselves all the time now.