Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Greetings from the other side.

Life has been exciting the past few days, haha. I really expected life to go on being the same after 18, but it has been an eventful couple days in this new 18th year of my life. There's more you can do (buy cigarettes, buy lottery tickets, buy R rated movie tickets for underaged friends, stay out all night) all of which I've done. And people really do treat you differently. Even in the eyes of my friends I've somehow changed, clicked over into a new stage in life. Well, hello, I am here, and it's pretty cool.

But I kinda want to throw up cause I didn't sleep last night and all I had in my belly was 3 shots of espresso and a banana. But it's been fantastic, surreal, and nifty in general. Things will die down, I'm sure, but still I am pleasantly surprised by 18. I have a lot of hope and anticipation about this coming year, it has a lot of potential. A part of me aches that I'll never be a kid again... even at 17 I felt more like a kid than I do now. It's just legality, I know, but the way people treat you generally dictates how you feel about yourself. I don't feel like a kid anymore. My parents bought me nice perfume for my birthday, which I've never had, so now I even smell like a lady. Adulthood has never seemed so close... but to everything turn, turn, turn, right?

For some reason I remembered the Flaming Lips song "Do You Realize?" and sang it to Jade yesterday. Those lyrics are so everlasting, eternal, but still remind you of the finiteness of our lives, y'know? "Everyone you know someday will die, but instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that lives moves fast, it's hard to make the good things last, you realize the sun doesn't do down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round." So maybe time isn't really passing the way I think... maybe I have all the time in the world to be a kid and be an adult and whatever is in between. The point is to make them good, golden moments. And I've had quite a few the last couple days :)

Friday, December 19, 2008

Should the Lord tarry:

Lately a few of my friends have made "What I want to do before I die" lists, or "Bucket Lists" if you will (is that term original to the Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson movie?) I don't mind that it's cliche or whatever, aspirations are good :) Even (perhaps particularly) the silly ones.

So here's my list, it's short, I'll be adding to it I guess.

Purchase something at a silent auction.
Go to Oxford. (I would put "attend" but that's presuming a lot ;]
Learn how to play an instrument.
Live in a major city.
Go on the slingshot ride at the boardwalk.
Get a tattoo.
Travel to the Middle East (This one is about to happen this March!)

I think that's an okay list for now :)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye!


I just finished my 8 page research paper and I feel like I just gave birth. Seriously. Writing something like this takes so much out of you, I feel like I've been in labor all day.

Anyway. I think it's pretty good :) I wrote about something I actually care about (feminism and racism) and did an ok job (I think) of integrating my sources. A shout out to Steve who gave me advice on the formatting :) Boo MLA!

I really don't think I can even bring myself to type anymore, it's all I've been doing for hours. But just know that now my semester is officially over, after our little class party tomorrow morning, I'm a free woman. No more assignments now. Not until next semester, that is. But for now, everything is bright, sleepy mornings, chill-out afternoons and a good dose of Christmas spirit :)

thanks to everyone who made this semester awesome–despite the fact that most of my classes sucked, I enjoyed having you all in my life these past few months :)
-To Charlotte, whom I will not be sleeping near anymore, I'll miss your presence in my room, but I know we'll always be roommates at heart :)
-To those who are leaving: you have no idea how much I will miss you, and how much I've cherished our friendship. I know I suck at keeping in touch, so help me out there and don't let me let you go :)
-To new friends: Wow, I'm so glad I met you! Please stick around, I've gotten used to having you in my heart.
-To those who will remain in Lakeland over the break: please call me :) we can totally make this next month a party.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

And it was good.

Last night I was restless. I came home from work later than I was supposed to, my head and jaw hurt (wisdom teeth? I hope not.) and I was somehow sad. I think the sadness came from realizing that maybe the little glows of happysillylove in my heart were fading, from anxiety about this next week, from sadness of all the friends that will be departing.

But thank God for friends. Charlotte and I crawled into our beds at about 12:45, both restless and in subtle pain. We stayed up till about 2 (or I did, Char might've stayed up later), nursing each other's wounds and fears, giving each other comfort in hope and the fact that God is in control and love comes to everyone. We reminded each other of the wonderful friends we have and reflected on some good times. We lamented together over the pain people put each other through (why do we do that? why do we hurt them?) but we had hope, because there are good people out there, and people really are capable of doing good and being good.