Kudos on the parental skills.

I was talking to my friend the other night about the book "Captivating" and how I've always scoffed at it and he said, "Well, not everybody is as confident in their beauty as you..." which I thought was interesting. I didn't know I come off so confident. then he asked me how I managed to get that way, sure of myself. I didn't really know exactly why, it must have been my parents but I couldn't give him examples.

But I've been thinking about it now. And there are a few reasons for my confidence, my assurance of my value:
1. my family is a good place for girls to be. My mom grew up in a house where her brothers were valued in a more obvious way. The boys carry on the family name, they're more important to the family. And she had awful self-esteem and a nasty teenage-hood. So now her house is different–girls are great and are just as important in family and society as boys.
2. I never felt un-loved. My family is really expressive, always communicating. I always knew why I couldn't do things and I always understood that everything was done because I was loved by my parents. They always gave me enough responsibility, but didn't overwhelm me.
3. I wasn't pampered or princessed to death–I'm not even sure those things give girls a sense of self-worth at all. I was taught to love and to serve, to help out other people before myself and to be responsible for my actions. But my hard work and my creative endeavors were always appreciated and I was always included in the efforts of the family.

So I realize now that I am sure of myself because I was treated by my parents how they would like to be treated. I was valued as a person, not just as a child or as a girl. My value didn't depend on whether or not I did well in school or sports, whether I was cute or sweet, whether I was a boy or girl, whether I was responsible or irresponsible, but just because I was theirs and every child should be loved and appreciated.

thanks mom and dad :)

Wish List.

We made lists today, of our top ten celebrities and it was funny to see who we picked and didn't pick. So here's my list, complete with pictures.

10. Andy Sandburg - he's funny and frat-boy cute.


9. Cary Grant - So classy. Though my favorite role of his is still Arsenic and Old Lace, just because he was ridiculous.


8. Adrian Brody - Maybe I'm just relating, but the big nose only makes him great-er :>)


7. Jason Bateman - I wanna marry Michael Bluth, the end. Jason is the new American Hugh Grant, bumbling and adorable.


6. Michael Cera - I want to have his socially awkward illegitimate children.


5. Christian Bale - Batman. the end.


4. Joseph Fiennes - Shakespeare. the end.


3. Jim Caviezel - he's holy and hot?


2. John Krasinski - oh Jim. You make office romances hip.


1. Daniel Craig - James Bond. THE. END.


Also: my lady crush, Rachel Weiss. She's the hotttest.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

My favorite thing to do now is driving with my windows down. I really am the happiest then, which is funny because I'm alone. Driving with people in my car is a foreign thing to me, thanks to my parents' rules. When I drive alone, windows down, wind blowing around and through my car, music blowing with the wind, I can be aware of so many things. It's like I open up to the world because I'm not distracted (unless I let myself get distracted.) Tonight I looked at the sky and the whole thing looked like a rainbow–orangey-red scaling up to deep indigo. And I listened to Johnny Cash, which I probably wouldn't have listened to if someone else was in the car with me. And I sang along, which I probably wouldn't have done if someone was with me. Because even for a person that doesn't really "care" what people think of her, I'm still aware all the time. You can't help but be aware. If you're not aware, then you're completely detached from everyone else. And I'm definitely not detached.

Madi made lots of faces at me today. We're friends.

Sometimes aren't you just overwhelmed with the wonderful things in the world?  So many wonderful things...

things like wind!  I love the wind!  The world feels like it's alive right now, everything's moving, the air smells beautiful and I am aware of my skin in a good way.  In the summer I want to peel it off because I'm so hot, so humid, so blanketed with sweat.  But nooooow, it's just wonderful and I'm enjoying my walks to class.

things like quiet evenings!  life gets tiring, you know?  tonight I didn't do anything, really.  Went to Mcdonalds with Charlototta and got a caramel sundae, worked on my current sewing project, watched some Arrested Development, listened to music etc.  

things like good friends turning up in unexpected places!  like Amy in the bathroom in Graves and Jason in the line in the cafe.  and even friends turning up in places that they usually turn up in.  I'm always happy to see you :)

things like remembering great times in life!  like Christmas carolling when I was little–the snow, the singing, the church bus, the warm apple cider and yummy food at the end of the night.  all my summer days and lakeland adventures with my posse.

I'm welcoming the season with open arms–dangling outside the window of my car when I drive at night.  Deep breaths and bright eyes to come in these next months.  Also: Conor Oberst, Manchester Orchestra and James Bond ;)

a softer world

for the last hour or so I've been watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with Hannah while starting the long process of transferring all my music/pictures/documents from my old computer to my new one.  I absolutely love weekends.  I never ever do homework.  Weekends are made for chilling.  Tomorrow Mom and Madi get to come home, which is great :) I wish I could stay at home all week and never go to school, but such is life, eh?  We gotta get that education.

I was reflecting on my education recently.  Everyone is always so surprised to find out that I'm 17, and talk about how smart I am and how they wished they had dual-enrolled or taken college courses earlier.  Why?  I didn't really plan on finishing so early... it was just the next step.  Homeschooling let me go at my own pace, which was a little faster than regular public school, so I finished my high school work a year early.  The natural progression then, is to start college.  I'm in no hurry... it just kind of happened to me.  And other than bragging rights, I don't really see the point of graduating college when you're 19.

All I really want to do is learn things that I don't know, teach things to people so they can learn things they don't know, and enjoy my life.  

Enjoying life includes:

Spending saturdays with family, just chilling

eating candy

holding babies

watching the Fellowship of the Ring even though I know every word

and writing blogs just because I want to share my life with friends that I love :)

P.S. if you have a minute (or 15) click on the Rob Bell link on the right and watch his video "Breathe."  I looooove it.

All new things.

Today was a great day :)  The first half of it was mostly spent hanging out at the house, cleaning and toying with my amaaaazing new MacBook.  I hate to be the person who is in love with her gadgets, but it's really great.  And pretty: http://www.apple.com/.

But the reason today was great is because Madeline was born :) at 3:08 by c-section (poor mom.)  She's 6 pounds 5 ounces, 20.5 inches long.  That's a pretty normal size for a baby, maybe on the small side, but she looks sooooooo tiny!  Everything about her is little.  And I guess she's pretty thin for her length because she has little chicken legs.  I'll try to get a picture uploaded soon.

It's really strange thinking about having another part of the family.  It's just been the five of us for six years, and now there's another little person with us.  A little Madeline Hope Waddell.  And it was amazing to feel all the love in that little room when we went to see her.  Mom and Dad, exhausted and elated, hadn't gotten tired of holding her or smiling at her.  Papaw was pretty giddy, he likes grandkids like every good grandparent.  Rebekah was the best... first-time big sister which made her a little nervous, but proud when she could hold the baby for a few minutes without trouble.  It was great.  One of those moments that are just good all the way through.

Mom and Maddie get to come home sunday afternoon, but because mom had to get a c-section, she won't be able to do much for a couple weeks besides feed the baby and stuff.  I'm excited to see her tomorrow, I hope she opens her eyes :)  Now I'm off to bed, going to watch a movie on my shiny new love.

I've spent too long trying to think of a title, so here it is.

Well, I'm frustrated with rules. I just got cited for my aweeeeesome new high-waisted shorts in chapel. Boooo. I know that those are the rules, but there is no logic behind them. My shorts with tights are not immodest, and the only reason they give is that the dress code is supposed to keep us professional looking. So I can't wear shorts. But I can wear sweatpants and denim skirts. See? Stupid.

In other news, life is wonderful, for no other reason than it is. And God is faithful. Always, always faithful and generous. Good things will happen, maybe not on our time, but at the right time because he works for the good of those who love him.

I love you all, Marta.

not so infinite.

Mmm. I went and saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist last night... and it was basically like Juno, but not as good. Michael Cera was the best, but he's always wonderful, and he was basically the same thing that he is in Arrested Development, Superbad and Juno. But not as good.

What I want to know is why they don't make teen movies like they did in the 80's. The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off etc. Those were awesome. Now we have Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Step Up, that one about Todd Hamilton and so on. Juno is the cool-kid teen movie of our time, but unlike the brat pack, who successfully made a few good movies of the same general premise, filmmakers have failed to produce another decent movie like it. Probably because it's awesome.

When will my laundry be done?

Warming to the world

Tonight we had one of our hall meetings which I know that none of us look forward to except probably our RA. Can anything mandatory be fun? Augustine said something like - anything we are forced to do we do not do well. Anyway, I'd forgotten that I'd agreed to lead up a "prayer group" which basically means that we get into random groups and I read off a couple questions for everyone to answer and then we pray. The question was: what areas of your life do you need more faith in and what are some anxieties in your life. Or something like that.

The first girl talked openly about how her brother died a year ago and she was still struggling with that. No kidding? The next girl talked about how she's had ovarian cysts for six years. What do you say after something like that? I obviously had no major anxiety in my life, by comparison, except my current worries about a good friend who is in pain. But seriously, we take every minute for granted sometimes.

This weekend I found an old journal from a couple years ago that I had written in. Jade and I were scanning through it, finding funny things about our past to laugh about. But then there was an entry in May 2006 just after my Nana's cancer spread. Looking back, I know now that this was the point where everything started getting worse and didn't get better. I wrote about how I felt, saying that I know one day I'd want to look back and read this and know what I was thinking at the time. The funny this is, I didn't want to look back and remember how I felt. I'd almost forgotten that those hard times were a part of my life. My current life is so wonderful, full of everything good and nothing bad that I can hardly imagine a time when it wasn't. But reading that entry brought everything back. No one in my house was happy. There was a constant cloud, a lingering sorrow and fear that gripped everyone at the time. So much pain and doubt and desperation. I told Jade about the day when my mom found out about the cancer on Nana's liver. About her in the backyard screaming while I was taking a piano lesson, my heart dropping because I could hear her. How awful is that? How amazing that I managed to block it out of my mind for a year and a half.

I guess my point (if I need a point, I don't suppose I do) is that our lives are cycles of sorrow and joy and the things in between. And when we're low we can't imagine getting out of it. And it usually doesn't happen the way we imagine it anyway. Nana didn't get better... but our lives are great now, and I'm sure she's okay in Heaven. After a certain point when acceptance finally climbs into your lap (we didn't even notice it creeping into our house at first) and life produces better days, you begin to forget the horror and the pain.

Nick Drake said, "But you grow up; you do. You mellow out. Buds of compassion push through the cracks in the blackened, bitter soil. Your rage ceases to need a name. You no longer find comfort watching a whacked-out god tormenting a wretched humanity as you learn to forgive yourself and the world. That god of old begins to transmute in your heart; base metals become silver and gold, and you warm to the world."

Greatest Hits

My first post in this blog is inspired by Amy who was inspired by Charlie, a dear and fictional friend of ours. These are my Greatest Hits, some of the best moments of my life. Not big occasions, just little moments in time that meant something. They aren't really in any particular order, because I couldn't just choose one moment to be the best one of my life so far.

Katie's Greatest Hits
-Going to Madame Tussauds wax museum in London and getting scared with my dad and having to take the emergency exit.
-Seeing Manchester Orchestra play at the Social
-Taking a 5 hour car ride to the beach with Jo, listening to the Beatles and eating red laces
-Nana teaching me how to crochet
-My first day in San Fransisco
-Dad reading the Hobbit to me
-My first time speaking in front of my youth group
-Mom and Dad laying in bed with me the night I got into my car accident
-Talking to the man in the waiting room of the hospital in Mobile, Alabama
-Going to the hospital with Jade and Paige the night Ashton was born
-Reading poetry in the library during Summer Scholars with Amy and Jay.
-Sitting in the big web with Tim and Jade, talking about important things.

What makes these things important? Did I know at the time that I would remember them so much? Or that they would make it onto this list of great moments? In five years will these still be important to me? I feel like my short life has been so long already: so many days, friends, tears, laughs, great times :)