αγαπει ἡμας

Sorry that it's been a little while since I've posted on here, whoops! I guess I haven't had much to say.

But now I do, and what I'm feeling right now is that I am so tired of sin. In that it makes me weary. My sin, my friends' sin, the sin that's everywhere all the time. It's weighing on me like bricks and I can feel myself suffocating. The topic has been cropping up in conversations a lot lately. What is a sin, what isn't, and what we're to do about it. And I've decided that, tentatively, I believe that sin is simply something that is outside God's intended order. I believe that God created this world and everything in it for a purpose, to be a certain way, and sin is the perversion of that right way and order. And every action we make either pushes us more towards death and chaos or towards life and whole-ness. And every sin has a consequence. They all vary, but no matter what sin always affects us and always bites us in the ass. If something is bringing death, not life, into my life then it's a sin.

And I've also decided that we have no hope of living our lives the right, light-bearing, life-giving way if our lives are centered around ourselves. I've got to get my act together and center myself around God. Because it's only then that I can have real love for people and apply myself in the best possible way. Only then that my life is worth something, because He is worth something. My life is only good or valuable if its in God. To think of all the time I've wasted on living purely for myself shatters me. But He is a fountain of forgiveness and unending mercy all the time. I'm overwhelmed by his grace. Every day I get to try and start over again. Try to become most myself, most himself, the most whole and complete I can be.

Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest.
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way
He loves us.