Something to do with Love.

Hey, it's a blog!

I don't blog anymore, and I'm sorry if you care, and if you don't care... I'm sorry for myself that I haven't made the time to reflect on my life or been inspired enough to type out a few words. I wish I could share my heart with all of you who are reading this... because it feels so big right now. I feel like I've grown SO much in this last year, like I've become a new person. I feel more connected to the world and people and like I understand a little bit more than I did last year. Which is how it goes, I guess. In any case, I feel like I've lived my life this last year, and that is the most beautiful thing.

I was talking to Aaron the other day as I realized something. A year ago, I was a pretty selfish person. Self-centered. My life was lived for myself, because frankly, who else is there to live for? Friends and family, yes... I did love them and made little sacrifices for them on occasion. But my life was lived, minute by minute, for myself. But I've realized that love is a beautiful and a dangerous thing. Because it really is what we live for. Before this year I lived on my own survival and happiness, but now... I'm literally being sustained by the experience of loving and being loved by this boy. Which is insane and scary... but I've never been this happy. Maybe we're co-dependent, maybe we're just in love. Maybe none of that matters anyway.

So it's a new year and it has brought me so far from where I was. So where will this year go? Eh? I can only imagine. But I do have a few goals at least to kick things off...

I WILLLLLL:
1. practice yoga every week. Saturday morning classes at least twice a month.
2. attend contemplative prayer or some kind of lectio divina group. Check up with Dr. C on that one.
3. Save money. Live simply and pay myself back for the money I've borrowed from my savings.
4. Read up on vegetarianism. A scary thought, but one that's been probing me for a while.
5. Read everyday. From a novel, like I did when I was a kid. I didn't read NEARLY enough last year.

All of this to say, that I love you all and I want to keep writing. And I think I understand this poem now:

Lie still now
while I prepare for my future,
certain hard days ahead,
when I'll need what I know so clearly this moment.

I am making use
of the one thing I learned
of all the things my father tried to teach me:
the art of memory.

I am letting this room
and everything in it
stand for my ideas about love
and its difficulties.

I'll let your love-cries,
those spacious notes
of a moment ago,
stand for distance.

Your scent,
that scent
of spice and a wound,
I'll let stand for mystery.

Your sunken belly
is the daily cup
of milk I drank
as a boy before morning prayer.

The sun on the face
of the wall
is God, the face
I can't see, my soul,

and so on, each thing
standing for a separate idea,
and those ideas forming the constellation
of my greater idea.
And one day, when I need
to tell myself something intelligent
about love,

I'll close my eyes
and recall this room and everything in it:
My body is estrangement.
This desire, perfection.
Your closed eyes my extinction.
Now I've forgotten my
idea. The book
on the windowsill, riffled by wind...
the even-numbered pages are
the past, the odd-
numbered pages, the future.
The sun is
God, your body is milk...

useless, useless...
your cries are song, my body's not me...
no good ... my idea
has evaporated...your hair is time, your thighs are song...
it had something to do
with death...it had something
to do with love.

It liiiiives!

It's school time, which means my brain has begun functioning again. I don't know what it is about summer, but my mind in all its capacities shuts down. I don't read, I barely think, I just swim, live, dance, run, sleep, sing, and eat. So I didn't blog, but I've missed it and I need to now because my mind and heart are clawing at each other without some way to release all the energy.

Too much. I have too much going on. Or it feels that way. 18 hours of school (do-able), 25 hours of work (thank God), house responsibilities (groceries, bill-paying, cleaning, though Charlotte does most of these things), The Oracle (which has yet to truly begin), youth group (which suffers the most from my busyness), and then the things I really love: friends, keeping up with my family, Aaron, and some semblance of a personal spiritual life. I thought I could juggle all of this, but apparently I can't, and it's the youth group that I've dropped. I've missed weeks of meetings, I'm out of the loop, I can't commit. I really feel like I've failed in this, and I hate the thought of leaving and not keeping up with my relationships with those kids. But I think that I needed them more than they needed me. Back in January when I joined the team, I needed a purpose and working with those kids gave me that. But now I can't throw all my energies into it anymore. I can barely show up to services. Knowing that discourages me. But this is a new season in my life, it's different than before. And maybe it's just time to let last season pass away. We'll see...

Anyway, other than that, life is vibrant and I'm alive. I miss my family, but knowing that they're in Israel, having the time of their lives and getting to see and experience all the things I loved so much, makes me glad. I love my classes, though Advanced Grammar and Christian Mystics have been a little draining. But Oral Interp and Contemporary Lit keep me alive, I think they bring out the best in me. I love Charlotte dearly, she's a fantastic housemate. I've spent the last three months falling in love with the boy who must have been made for me. I can feel myself growing, learning, becoming. And I know when writing comes this easily, things must be good.

(Sorry it wouldn't let me embed this) I listen to this song every day now, don't know why. It's a pretty sad song, but maybe it's just the beauty. Who knows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXOnA_gxdFo

You have tamed me...

"Come and play with me,"

proposed the little prince, "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said,
"I am not tamed."

"AH please excuse me,"said the little prince.
But after some thought, he added:
"what does that mean---'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected,"
said the fox.
"It means to establish ties."

"To establish ties?"

"Just that," said the fox.
"to me, you are still nothing more than
a little boy who is just like
a hundred thousand other little boys.
And I have no need of you.
And you, on your part, have no need of me.
To you I am nothing more
than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you will be unique in all the world.
To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . ."

"I am beginning to understand,"
said the little prince.

"There is a flower. . .I think she has tamed me. . ."

But if you tame me,
it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life.
I shall know the sound of a step that will be
different from all the others.
Other steps send me hurrying back
underneath the ground.
Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow.
And then look:
you see the grain-fields down yonder?
I do not eat bread.
Wheat is of no use to me.
The wheat fields have nothing to say to me.
And that is sad.
But you have hair that is the color of gold.
Think how wonderful that will be
when you have tamed me!
The grain, which is also golden,
will bring me back the thought of you.
And I shall love to listen
to the wind in the wheat. . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince,
for a long time.
"Please---tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied.
"But I have not much time.
I have friends to discover,
and a great many things to understand."
 So the little prince tamed the fox.
And when the hour of his departure drew near---

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."  

"It is your own fault," said the little prince.
"I never wished you any sort of harm;
but you wanted me to tame you. . ."  

"Yes that is so", said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes that is so" said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox,
"because of the color of the wheat fields."

 Slowly, all of these things become so much more to me every day.  Life is new. Love is universal and it is real.

Finales.

So, I watched the Office finale, and if you haven't seen it and don't wanna know, stop reading :) Or the Lost finale, for that matter...



I know that the comedy has gone downhill a bit since the earlier seasons, and they're obviously pandering to their new audience, the majority. And the majority like stupid comedy, hook ups and pregnancies. But honestly, I still love it. I know it's simple and universal, but there's something warming about seeing happy people (even fake happy people.) Because I know that love and life do exist and that they're not fantasies.

Also: OMGLOST. I don't know what it is about that show, but it literally consumed about 1/4th of my thoughts since the finale. I love Jacob and who he turned out to be. I kinda thought he'd be evil, but he's basically the Good Guy. He believes in people and that they're capable of succeeding, not just destroying eachother. He's Jesus. And Ben is the ultimate example of Human Sin and selfishness. What about me? He says. Well... what about you? It's not about you...
I DIED when Juliet fell. And I have no idea what's going to happen. But I suspect that history will have changed and they won't crash on the island, as planned. But if Lost's idea of destiny is true, all the people who are meant to be together, and all the people who are meant to die, will still happen. You know? Like Eternal Sunshine.

Sad that my only post in a month is about tv shows. But this is my life, friends. I go to school, go to work, spend time with people I love, and get absorbed by good stories. The end.

I'm feeling rough, feeling raw, in the time of my life...

We talked about change. He said he felt like he was watching me grow up, and I laughed. But we're all growing up so fast. These are the times of our lives--college, first real jobs, education, life outside your home. I said I was almost afraid to make decisions because I knew... one month, two months later... I'd feel differently. But that doesn't make me cautious. And it doesn't make me remorseful. Because I know that I am me, and it's okay that I change my mind, my style, my self. Because in all that changing I never become something other than Katie. And that brings me comfort and peace. And I've got the feeling that I'm becoming a little more myself every day.

Where the heart is...

I'm absolutely overflowing with emotions right now. This has been an insane couple days. Less than two days ago I was in Jerusalem, walking the city walls, slipping on the limestone, eating falafel, chilling out on the roof with good friends and a bag of sunflower seeds. It was the most glorious time. That city is incredible, and I didn't realize just how much I'd miss it. Getting to wake up every day and see the white limestone skyline of the old city... I was so privileged.

Now I expect to hear Hebrew, to see dark skin and hair, to feel humbled by my alien-ness. Driving back into Lakeland and having lunch at Moe's–which had always felt like home–was strange today. I was almost uncomfortable, in a way. But coming home. That's another story. Being greeted by the happy yips of my dog, smelling my house's smell, the openness and brightness of our Florida home, setting foot in my room again–that was fantastic. I'm so glad I have a home to come to–and I can't imagine anyone loving home more than I do.

Always take the opportunity to travel–getting away from routine changes you. I received more than a tan in Jerusalem. But I hope that you all always have a home to go to, whether it's a house or a person, everyone needs a harbour to come back to.

Live.

Chris just showed me a fantastic Bon Iver video. I love live performances... I get so excited, there's really nothing like a good live show.

So here's a few videos. It's not the same as being there, but these are performances that you really shouldn't miss seeing, even in youtube. The last one I recorded when I saw Manchester Orchestra, who put on a great show.

Bon Iver - Skinny Love


Arcade Fire - Neon Bible and Wake Up


Sufjan Stevens - For the Widows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti


Manchester Orchestra - just a random hymn

Hello folks.

I miss you, and I miss home. I mean, I'll be sad when we leave, and I'll definitely miss this city, but there's just too much about home that I miss. The people, my lifestyle, my bed, brownies–so much.

Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago was voted best album of the year by a lot of sources I trust. And acclaimed by friends. But I never really got into it, though I tried. I put it in my playlists, listened to it on shuffle, but I never loved it.

But at some point in time, Skinny Love grabbed me and said, "Hey, I'm AWESOME." I'm quite the fan now. I'm slowly creeping through the whole album, finding myself falling in love with all of it. Here's another good track. I have a special kind of appreciation for an album that grows on me.

Have you ever gotten to a place in your life where you feel like you could go in a million directions? I mean, presently, I'll be living in Lakeland until I graduate. Living at home, getting an education, yada yada.

But after that? Anywhere! I could go ANYWHERE. I could literally do anything. And there's so many things to do! I could do the au pair thing, in Europe. I could do the school thing (amazing grad schools everywhere! Portland! Boston! Chicago! North Carolina! San Fransisco!) or I could do the teaching thing and go to Asia or Africa or the Middle East. Or the peace corps, or just take a year off and do whatever I want.

I'm feeling that feeling like the first time you read "Oh, the Places You'll Go." Or the first time you realize that there's a whole WORLD out there. It's a big world. But not so big that I can't take it in. I plan on taking it in.

Besides this glorious, liberating feeling, I'm also crazy excited by the fact that when I come home, it'll only be a few short weeks until summer. Summer means no classes. Shorts and skirts and tank tops. Thrift stores and windows-down-driving-to-the-beach.
I don't know about my job situation, if I'll be able to work at school or if I'll need to work at Barnes and Noble again (if they let me) or something else. But in any case, it's coming soon, and I'm glad.

You are my favorite.

So I was catching up on my blog-following (it's Shabbat, we've got the day off!) and bumped into Lauri's little list of favorite things, and I love lists of favorite things so I thought I'd share too :) but I too have a problem choosing ONE thing, so this is a little revised.

My Favorite Picture Lately
[of myself]

(his name was Jacov)


[just in general]

(this says "Salaam", which means "Peace" in Arabic.)


My Favorite Poem Lately

"Everyday You Play" by Pablo Neruda (one stanza)

You are like nobody since I love you.
Let me spread you out among yellow garlands.
Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?
Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed.

My Favorite Item of Clothing Lately

A good scarf.

My Favorite Quote Lately

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank.
That word "everything" encompasses way too much.

My Favorite Place Lately

Chocolate by the Bald Man - a gelato place close by.
You don't know how many sheqels I've spent.

My Favorite Song Lately



My Favorite Disney Princess (lately?)

Jasmine.
She was my favorite when I was little, I used to tell people my name was Jasmine.
She rocks.
but I love Belle too :)

Here's a lil update.

Tuesday we went up into the northern country and went on a couple hikes and saw some ancient ruins. We also saw the borders of Syria and Lebanon, and got to hear a lot about modern Israeli history and conflicts. Cool stuff.

Wednesday we went to the Israel Museum and saw a huge model of the ancient city. You wouldn't believe how enormous the Temple was when it was standing. Incredible. The height of the dome of the rock fits inside the doorway. We also saw some of the Dead Sea Scrolls, and got to spend a while in a synagogue, talking to the hazzan (like an assistant-Rabbi/worship leader).

Yesterday we spent the day in Tel Aviv, which was a huge contrast to Jerusalem. It's just a modern city with all the things you expect a modern city to have. We did, however, see some of Jaffa, the ancient city that Tel Aviv was built next to. And we saw the Mediterranean sea.

Things are going well. Everyone's settling in, we're getting to know eachother, and no one's been fighting. All I can ask for. AND I successfully downloaded Lost. So life is good. But I haven't watched it yet, so don't say anything :)

I've also decided that I want to learn Arabic. The end. I just need to find a program or a school or something where I can learn. Worst case scenario, I guess I could just do the Rosetta Stone thing, but that's expensive and I'm not sure if I could really teach it to myself like that. Anyway. I miss you all at home, I hope life is good.

Threeeeeee.

Today was heavy, man.
I wrote a blog about today for the official trip blog, so I won't bother restating everything I said. If you're reaaaally interested, here's a link. http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/topic.php?uid=38681792579&topic=9588

But we went to the Western Wall and prayed and watched a couple Bar Mitzphah's, which was cool. Then we trekked up Mount Zion to where the bus was parked, only to realize that two of our girls were missing, and were back at the Wall. We then proceeded to Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Museum, which was one of the most intense, emotional, heartbreaking experiences of my life.

My conclusion about today is this: I should be more careful about what I think. Before coming I was SO anti-Zionism, I thought it was racist and irrelevant and un-biblical. But after being here and listening to people talk about it, and particularly after Yad Vashem, I have come to the conclusion that I should pause to think and consider. Maybe it's a more complicated issue than I had assumed. In any case, I'm more emotionally involved in the issue after today.

Pictures!

Men praying at the Wall. Women weren't allowed on that side, we had our own little piece of the Wall. The boys' side was bigger :P

this is our tour guide, Jane, who was originally from England, but has spent the last 30 years (from college onward) in Jerusalem, which gives her a crazy weird accent. Then, Ms. Rina, Dr. van der Laan's wife, and my favorite lady. And Ryan.

Yad Vashem was the most beautifully set up museum or memorial I've ever seen. It's almost like a huge concrete tunnel, you walk through the exhibits and by the end your heart is so heavy. But then you come out the other end into this bright white light and look out over Jerusalem. The gray triangle is kind of the backside of the museum.

Day 2

I feel like I've been here for a week, but today's only our second full day. I basically feel like we're operating outside of time, like Jerusalem is on another planet. It's an insane feeling.
But! I'm loving it :) I love listening to people speaking Hebrew, I love pita bread and hummus (I'm not a hummus fan, but the hummus here is amazing!) I love Dr. van der Laan and Ms. Rina, I love our room and our shower and Luis, the really sweet owner of the house.

Today we went to the Tower of David museum. First of all, it was rainy all day, which is a blessing for Israel which is in a drought, but a nuisance for us. So between the rain and the big stone tower, it actually reminded me of London. London's the only other place I've ever been that's "old." But Jerusalem is thousands of years older than London. It blows my mind how OLD everything is. Literally ancient.

We ate lunch at a tiny little hole-in-the-wall cafe (literally, it was a hole in the wall...) and listened to the pastor of the messianic congregation speak. His son, Calev, is a lawyer who works for civil rights for messianic Jews who are denied as "real" Jews because they "converted." He was pretty inspiring. And attractive ;) and married...

Then I spent about an hour with Jess and Ryan trying to get to a pharmacy where I could buy some Robitussin, because I've been coughing like an old man. Let me tell you, I love nothing more than that Robitussin right now.

But my favorite part of the day was at the museum when I was SWARMED by a pack of twelve year old Israeli school boys who were all throwing us peace signs and saying, "Peace! Peace! Shalom!" and "Yes we can! Yes we can!" Here's my conversation with one kid:
kid: Where are you from?
me: America.
kid: oh! Britain or USA?
me: USA?
kid: oh okay! Virginia tech?
me: no, Florida.
kid: you know Shaquil O'Neal? Phoenix Suns?
me: yeah, sure... you know Disney World?
kid: yeah! Orlando! I went there last year...
me: yeah, I live there...
kid: My bar mitzvah's next week, you wanna come?

They were crazy. Anyway, here's a couple pictures :)

This is a glass sculpture hanging in the museum. I've seen this guy's work before, but I don't remember his name, has anyone ever seen one of these? It was so cool close up :)

This is our view of the city at night from our balcony. I wish it was a better picture :/ But if you look close you can see the dome.

This was a view from the tower. Right there, the hill to the right of the dome is the Mount of Olives, which is where Jesus was supposed to have ascended into Heaven. Holy crap.

Hola from Jerusalem.

Well, I'm here at the holy land, sittin' in the window seat in our room which is the only place where you can get internet access. We've walked around town, went around the old city and David's castle, went to a messianic synagogue, and ate gellato. Here's a few pictures of our first couple days :)






1. This is our walk along the wall that surrounds the old city. It was old.
2. This is from the wall, the best shot so far of the Dome. I don't care who you sympathize with, it's definitely the most beautiful thing on the skyline.
3. This is the name of our little room, which I'm pretty positive is the best room in the building. The house is really nice, very cozy, just INCREDIBLY cold at night.
4. the view from the top of the house where there's a little balcony. That'd be the dome of the rock, there.

So, I'll post more later :) tomorrow we're going to a museum about David? Monday is the holocaust museum. Tuesday is our first day-trip to Galilee. We've got really limited internet access, but I do have skype if you wanna say hi, I'm usually on in the afternoon your time (night-time here.)

I've made a huge mistake.

Note to self: don't take naps at 8 pm. Because then you'll wake up at 10 and not be able to go back to sleep. And you'll watch three or four episodes of Arrested Development. And St. Elmo's Fire.

However, I think I just came to the conclusion that staring at a computer screen for hours does not put you to sleep. It's unnatural. I need darkness, warmth, soothing music and peace of mind. Not LCD brightness. But I'm still here, staring at the screen, watching the words type themselves out...

Lessons learned tonight:
1. no late naps.
2. the last half of season 3 tanked.
3. don't do coke and have sex with friends and tease your hair out like Demi Moore.
4. learn to turn the laptop off.

Saturday March 7, 2009.

Today, might very well be the most productive day of my life. I'm excited for it, I'm ready. There is a list. A to-do list.

1. Clean my room - you may think this is a small task, but it will most definitely take me a few hours. You don't know. I don't want you to know.

2. Go shopping - I have a lot to buy for the trip (little things) and I'm trying to hunt down an inexpensive jacket that's thicker than the one I have now, which I think will be insufficient.

3. Take Laynee out for ice cream - I know you're not supposed to have favorites when you work with kids, but Laynee's probably my favorite kid. She's homeschooled, 13, a genius, and maybe more spiritually mature than I am. Love her.

4. Write another book report - I wrote one last night and it only took me about an hour and a half. I hope Dr. van der Laan can't tell how little I know about the material.

That's my Saturday. It probably still leaves a little time to chill/hang out. Right now, I'm sitting in my bed, and through the wall I can hear Rebekah watching Mulan. That was a good one. She just lost both her bottom teeth and one on the top (the other one's loose.) Nothing cuter than toothless kids.

Also: I really want to see Watchmen. I probably won't have time before I go, unless anyone wants to go Tuesday night...

How am I not myself?

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

I feel like I'm missing an anchor, like I'm just careening off walls, disoriented. I don't know what's causing this, it's probably a lot of things. Like the fact that I'm getting older and I can't run to my mom for everything anymore. I spent my life at home, that was my foundation. But now, though I'm still living at home, my mind resides somewhere else. I feel like I'm floating between adolescence and adulthood. Like that Britney Spears song. No longer a girl, not yet a woman... or something. Forgive me for that.

I don't know what I need. I know what I want. But I'm not sure that that's a solution. "I don't want what I always want, nobody does, not really!" to quote Coraline ;) But I do want what I want. Theoretically, I want the things that will make me most like myself... that's what's important to me. Being me. But it's hard to feel like me when I'm just floating. Maybe that's why I'm so bothered by this feeling. I'm afraid of floating to a place that's not me. I just want to be what I am, and not what I'm not.

How to fail at life.

In an effort to a) motivate myself and b) make myself feel like a complete failure, I've compiled a list of movies and books that I need to see/read. Please make suggestions :) I trust you all.

These are in no particular order-
Movies I need to see:
The Fountain
Almost Famous
Schindler's List
Big Fish
Science of Sleep
A Beautiful Mind
Capote
Into the Wild
Citizen Kane
No Country for Old Men
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
There Will Be Blood
The Departed
Crash
Saving Private Ryan
The Godfather
Dead Poets Society
Terms of Endearment
Gandhi
Annie Hall
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
The Big Lebowski
Magnolia
Being John Malkovich

Books I need to read:
Everything is Illuminated
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Breakfast of Champions
Catcher in the Rye
Of Mice and Men
1984
Brave New World
High Fidelity
Things They Carried
My Antonia
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Irresistible Revolution
Franny and Zooey
Something by Vonnegut
Till We Have Faces
On the Road

So that's basically just off the top of my head, so I'm sure there's a lot I've forgotten.

I'm not afraid of anything, even time.

So, I failed completely the first two days of Lent. Didn't even buy my journal until yesterday. Wrote in it tonight. But actually, I think it's going to be really good for me. I haven't realized it until now, but I've been really negligent of my personal/devotional/spiritual/introspective life.

Also for your consideration: a few songs that I really like right now.

1. The Golden Floor - Snow Patrol
(so, Snow Patrol has gotten progressively cornier with each release, but this song is cool :] has a cool beat)
2. Closer - Kings of Leon
(I don't know, this one is just kinda bad-ass)
3. I Know - Dear & the Headlights
(their new album is great! They grew a lot, added more depth musically)
4. Thanksgiving - Deb Talan
(I think this is thanks to Steve's mix, but I find myself singing this song aaaall the time)
5. Jon Foreman
(been playing all his music, but specifically I like "March", "Instead of a Show" and "Southbound Train")
6. Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
(Thanks Chris for posting this video one day, the song is wonderful)
7. Devil Dressed in Blue - Right Away, Great Captain!
(This is Manchester Orchestra's lead singer Andy Hull's solo project. I'm a fan :)

That's my current list of favs, the tracks I play most often nowadays.

Tomorrow it is Saturday and I will laugh in the face of SEU's dress code.

9 dollar Free Pancakes.

First blog in over a week! yay!

All I really have to say is that I've decided what I'm doing for Lent this year. I was thinking about giving up sweets (oh my god, how hard would THAT be? I'm an awful snacker) BUT, as I'm going to Israel, I figured there would be 1) instances where I'd like to try local things that are sweets 2) not too many instances where I'd have access to a lot of snackfood.

So! I've decided that instead of giving up something, I'd take action. For Lent I'm going to be committed to journaling. Like, in a journal. I've always been a terrible journal-er, I can never keep it up. But I think it's a good practice, it'll be good for me and it'll give me some time every day to have some introspection and whatnot. And it'll be great when I'm in Israel too :)

By the way, that's like, two weeks away. Holy crap. I'm pretty excited about the idea of travelling so far. But it's starting to make me sad that I'll be gone from here for five weeks... I'll miss you. And as I'm reading through the textbooks, I'm getting discouraged a little. I'm a weeeee bit sickened by the overwhelming anti-palestinian political leanings of some of the students at SEU. And I have to write a book report on this book "the Promised Land: prophecy and the future of Israel blah blah blah" that was really rough. I'm all about history and ancient things and different cultures (particularly middle eastern cultures) but I'm not down for any "Jerusalem is heaven, let's kick out all the infidels" crap.

Speaking of book reports: I have seven books to read before I go. And sneakers to buy. And bags to pack. I should clean my room before I leave. And I hope I get to watch Lost.

I want to go to there.